The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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