I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
