Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
