you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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