Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
