we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
