Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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