And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
