I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
