Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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