Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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