Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
