Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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