Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
