I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
