you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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