guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
