im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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