Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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