Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
