Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
