We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
