scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
