And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
