have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
