I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
