Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
