It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
