You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
