Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
