Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
this is an emotional support booty call
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
