:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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