Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
