so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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