her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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