Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
