I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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