I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
