I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
did you just send me my own nude
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
