I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
