Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
