Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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