Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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