You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
