Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
