i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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