Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
