I should be sponsored by Trojan
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
