Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
