After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
