it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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