last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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