I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
