so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
