I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
