I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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