dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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