He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
