The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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