i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
