4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
