we have pet lesbian snakes
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
