One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
