I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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