So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
