she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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