I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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