Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is an emotional support booty call
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
