I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
