hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
