I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
